Dogs’ Views on Changing Light Bulbs

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on the dog’s point of view….
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Let’s go and play Frisbee, then I can gaze into your eyes and tell you how much I looooove you being my best friend…..
BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
DACHSHUND: You know I can’t reach that stupid bulb!
LAB: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
POODLE: I’ll blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can pee on the carpet in the dark.
DOBERMAN PINSCHER: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the sofa.
BOXER: Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
IRISH WOLFHOUND: Can somebody else do it? I’ve got this hangover
POINTER: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
GREYHOUND: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle, monitor the perimeter to ensure no one got in or out while it was dark….
OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
And the CAT: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs and I am not one of them. So, the question is, how long will it be before I get some light in here, a gentle massage and some dinner?

Adam & Eve

God created Adam & Eve and the first thing he said was ‘Don’t’.
‘Don’t what?’ said Adam.
Don’t eat the forbidden fruit, God replied.
Why asked Adam.
Because I am your Father & I said so, God replied.
A few minutes later God saw his children having an apple break. He was not pleased and said Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit.
Uh Uh said Adam
Then why did you? asked God
I don’t know said Eve
She started it said Adam
Did not
Did too
Did not
Having had enough of this God decided that, as punishment, Adam & Eve would have children of their own.
But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently & lovingly tried to give children wisdom & they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
Things to think about
You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk & talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down & shut up.
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in.
Advice for the day
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
And finally…………….
If you have a lot of tension & you get a headache. Do what it says on the aspirin bottle
‘Take two aspirin’ and ‘Keep away from children’.

Yes, you’re getting older!!!!

Proud to be old.
According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were
kids in the 60’s, 70’s and early 80’s probably shouldn’t have survived, because :
Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint
which was promptly chewed and licked.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or
cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and
fluorescent ‘clackers’ on our wheels. (I think you will find they were known as spokey dokeys – some old git wrote this)
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags
riding in the passenger seat was a treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it
tasted the same.
We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar
in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and
no-one actually died from this.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top
speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve
the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as
we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.
We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile
phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends we went
outside and found them.
We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones but there were no
We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other
We played knock-down-ginger and were afraid of the owners catching us.
We walked to friend’s homes.
We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn’t rely on mummy
or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.
We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law.
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion
of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
how to deal with it all.
And you’re one of them. Congratulations!
Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids,
before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
For those of you who aren’t old enough, thought you might like to read about us.
This my friends, is surprisingly frightening……and it might put a
smile on your face: The majority of students in universities today were born in 1983……..They are called youth.
They have never heard of We are the World, We are the children, and
the Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.
They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena or Belinda
For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.
AIDS has existed since they were born.
CD’s have existed since they were born.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can’t
imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.
They believe that Charlie’s Angels and Mission Impossible are Films
from last year.
They can never imagine life before computers.
They’ll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red Hand Gang or the
Famous Five.
They’ll never have applied to be on Jim’ll Fix It or Why Don’t You.
They can’t believe a black and white television ever existed and don’t even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control.
And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a
mobile phone.
Now let’s check if we’re getting old…
1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night
3. Your friends are getting married/already married.
4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably
with computers.
5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
6. You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time
7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good
old days, repeating again all the funny stories you have experienced
8. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some
other friends because you think they will like it too…
Yes, you’re getting older!!!!

Be Warned

Virus Advisory
Medium Risk

Current VirusScan users with DAT 4424 are protected from this threat.

What Is It?

The 11th variant of the Sober virus, W32/Sober.k@MM is a Medium Risk mass-mailing worm hiding inside an email attachment. When run, the worm displays a fake error message in Notepad, infects the host computer and sends itself to stolen email addresses. Outgoing messages may be in German or English, depending on the recipient’s domain.

What should I look for?

  • FROM: Varies (forged addresses taken from infected system)
  • SUBJECT: English: I’ve got YOUR email on my account!! German: Ey du DOOF Nase, warum beantw…
  • BODY: English: First, Sorry for my very bad English! German: Warum beantwortest Du meine E-Mails nicht?
  • How do I know if I’ve been infected?

    Fake error message displayed. Outgoing messages as noted above. Increased network traffic on TCP port 37. Alerts from a desktop firewall (if installed) that a new application is trying to access the Internet.

    How do I find out more?

    Visit the McAfee home page.


    “Allo Allo”

    Anyone remember the TV show “Allo Allo”?, I love it, it was so cheesy that it was funny, I’ve just gone and bought series 1,2,3&4 for my dad had them in the sale for a pretty good price.

    Men ‘talk more on phone than women

    According to a news item on Yahoo :
    Men are more likely than women to natter on their mobile phone, according to a survey.
    Sixty per cent of men questioned said they make regular voice calls compared with 44% of women. Women, it seems, prefer to keep in touch by sending text messages. The poll found 72% of women texting on a regular basis – just above men on 70%.
    Females have also taken to sending picture messages more than male counterparts, the research on behalf of communications firm Agilent Technologies found. “Women tend to have more interest in communications so it makes sense that they would tend to be heavier users of mobile features such as texting and picture messaging,” said Tom White, UK managing director of Agilent Technologies. The survey was conducted by ICM Research among 1,019 adults earlier this month.

    Final Reminder

    I still have a few people using my old url to visit my site,
    please update your links or favorites so that my url is
    and NOT
    I will be deleting the old url of ""
    very soon.

    Thank you